Day 106 – Education – Medicaid = Mr. President, It’s Time for School.

Dear Mr. President,

Image by ccpixs.com

Yesterday, a bad thing happened. The House republicans passed The American Healthcare Act, the bill designed to repeal and replace The Affordable Care Act. I know that you are not very interested in reading the bill in its entirety, just as you are not particularly interested in the millions of people this bill will hurt. You see no need to heed the advice and warnings of patient advocacy groups; nor are you interested in listening to the American Medical Association’s condemnation, the American Hospital Association’s condemnation, or the American People.

But I am a public school teacher. My job is to teach every person in the room, regardless of their apathy, enmity, or ability. My job is to individualize instruction for every student and make sure that they all have the resources they need and the hands-on learning they need to be able to truly master the content. (Just yesterday, in fact, I was concisely explaining exactly what The Civil War was all about.) So I am willing to sit with you, Mr. President, and patiently teach you at your individual learning level, so that you can understand what just one of the very serious problems is with this bill.

Before you ignore me and go back to Twitter, know that I am quite used to working with students who would rather be on social media than in the classroom. I also understand that you are not very respectful of teachers in general, but I am quite used to teaching students who are defiant; I have the patience and the perseverance to work with you and help you succeed. I also know that, instead of taking the opportunity to ask the highly qualified and highly professional and highly respected Teachers of the Year to tell you about the true state of public education in our nation, you instead asked them to pose for photos with you and sing Happy Birthday to your wife. No matter. I’ve been doing my job much, much longer than you have been doing yours. I have thick skin.

Because I earn a teacher’s salary, I cannot afford to fly to Washington D.C. or Mar-a-Lago to meet with you. But if you would be willing to visit my classroom, I would welcome you. After all, I teach 150 students a day; there is always room for one more. During your visit, I will introduce you to the many students who, without the vision testing paid for by Medicaid, would not be able to read because they would not be able to actually see. I will introduce you to the one-on-one aides who work in our building, their salaries paid for by Medicaid, so that students with severe disabilities can get a “Free Appropriate Public Education tailored to their individual needs” (which is, of course, required under the Individuals with Disabilities Act.) I will patiently explain to you what will happen to high-needs students with disabilities once the Medicaid funding is cut. I will show you the language in The American Healthcare Act, that says that states would no longer have to consider schools as eligible Medicaid providers. As noted in a recent New York times article, “School districts rely on Medicaid, the federal health care program for the poor, to provide costly services to millions of students with disabilities across the country.”

I would show you the statement put out by AASA, The School Superintendents Association, strongly rejecting the American Healthcare Act, succinctly pointing out “School-based Medicaid programs serve as a lifeline to children who often can’t access critical health care and health services outside of their schools.” And I would explain to you that the word “lifeline” in their statement is not simply a hyperbolic metaphor, but is literally an explanation that, without these school-based Medicaid programs, lives will be lost.

And if my words and teaching methods still don’t help you master the lessons, I will ask my colleagues to help. Together, we will do everything in our power to show you the steps you need to take to reverse this course of action. It is imperative that you learn how to lead our country forward, into a place where all students, regardless of need or disability, will have a chance to truly succeed. You can expect that we will be willing to stick around and teach as long as you are willing to learn. We would teach you, Mr. President, because teaching is what we do. We are passionate about our profession, and we are passionate about every single student in the room. We treat them all with equity and respect and empathy, and you can expect that we will treat you the same way. In fact, you can expect that you will leave our district truly impressed with the quality of public education in our country.

And you can also expect that you will finally, truly understand that the services provided by Medicaid are critical for our citizens, for our students, and for our schools.

Just don’t expect us to sing to your wife.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Day 73 – Defunding Planned Parenthood Puts Your Voters At Risk -- And It’s Wrong.

Dear Mr. President,

Photograph from Max Pixel

I know that you have the ability to love women. After all, you’ve married several of them, you’ve fathered several of them, and you have said that your mother, above all women, made you the man that you are. Although you have bragged about your sexual prowess and sexual abuse of women, you have also insisted that no one respects women more than you do.

And, although you are made uncomfortable by truly brilliant and powerful women, you have a great deal of respect for your daughter, elevating her to one of the highest positions in the country, and you allow another woman to speak for you, for better or for worse, across the nation.

You have recently talked about empowering and promoting women, and removing barriers that women face. And yet, when it comes to women’s health, you are balancing on the fencepost of misogyny. Why else would you consider caving to people who value their dogmatic beliefs about abortion more than tangible lives of actual women needing healthcare? You, yourself, have said “But millions and millions of women — cervical cancer, breast cancer — are helped by Planned Parenthood.”

And yet, in the very next breath, you have insisted that you “will not fund it.” You will not fund an organization that provides necessary health services to 2.5 million men and women annuallybecause this organization also provides counselling and abortion services. No matter that it is already against the law for public money to pay for abortion, and no matter that Planned Parenthood carefully and systematically tracks all funding and follows the law, and no matter that 97% of what Planned Parenthood does has nothing to do with abortion services. You would defund it because a vocal minority in our country insists that women should not have access to health care provided by an organization that they don’t like.

The Republicans in the Senate have gleefully passed a bill that would allow states to strip funding from Planned Parenthood. And, although this bill allows for “community health centers” to receive the funds instead, the actual existence of these health centers is in question. In fact, in much of our country, Planned Parenthood is literally the only option for women’s health services. There are no health centers that women can access in these areas. And poor women, especially, do not have the means to drive hours across state lines in order to have a breast exam, or have access to birth control, or receive prenatal care.

It is time to separate facts from rhetoric, Mr. President, and it is time for you to take a stand and speak the truth. Either you openly admit that poor people, and especially poor women, don’t deserve healthcare in our country and you sign this bill, or you stand up against the misogynistic bullies and point out that all women deserve access to healthcare. If you sign this bill defunding Planned Parenthood, you must also vocally acknowledge that this will result in more deaths, more pregnancies, more cancers, more poverty, and more abortions. This is on you, Mr. President. You have the chance to speak up and let your voice be heard. With a stroke of your pen, you will tell the world how you really feel about women.

We are listening. And watching everything you do.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Day 39 – States’ Rights Do Not Trump Human Rights

Dear Mr. President, 

You like to be right. You had a chance to be on the right side of history.

You like to build things. You had the chance to be on the foundational end of building a more inclusive and safer world for our children.

You consider yourself an enforcer, a powerful man. You could have enforced a basic human rights issue: that of the right to be able to pee.

You like to be compared to famous people. You could have been the Abraham Lincoln of the right for all students to safely urinate without needless obsession about their genitalia or birth certificates.

Photograph by Geoff Livingston

And yet, you caved. You backed down from your statements about bathroom laws, and you caved to the fetishization of trans people. “There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate,” you said. “There has been so little trouble.” And yet, you couched your beliefs about the need to “protect all people, even though it’s a tiny percentage of 1 percent” with the hopes that “most states would ‘make the right decisions.’” You caved to the fetishization of “States’ Rights” over “Human Rights,” knowing full well that states often willingly trample on human rights until they are forced to recognize human rights for all.

You caved to the right to discriminate.

The federal government has a duty to uphold and protect and even establish rights that pockets of our union might not be ready to accept. But just because they are not yet ready to end their discrimination does not mean that the discrimination is okay. Sometimes the federal government needs to lead the way.

States were wrong about slavery.

States were wrong about secession.

States were wrong about the definition of marriage.

States were wrong about separate but equal facilities.

States are often wrong.

You had a chance to be right.

I beg you to look into your own soul, and consider what protections you would want for your own family members. You cannot deny those protections to others. And you cannot hide under the banner of States’ Rights.

I beg you to meet with  Jackie Evancho and her sister, and truly understand what transgender people deal with every day.

I beg you to educate yourself, by reading the Transgender Lives stories hosted at the New York Times website, and by visiting the National Center for Transgender Equality website.  Read the Human Rights Campaign resources. And while you’re at it, educate yourself on Transgender Law. Step outside of your bubble of fear and fearmongering and talk to the people you were elected to lead. Talk to all of them.

I beg you to put an end to this ridiculous obsession to control where people pee by reinstating the federal guidelines that provided protections to transgender students.

You have a chance to do the right thing, and to be on the right side of history. Because, eventually, this issue will be resolved nationally. The right to discriminate based on gender will be eliminated within your lifetime by the enforcement of Title IX…much like the right to own people was eliminated in 1865 by the 13th Amendment (except, of course, when it comes to prisons, but that is another letter).And you have a chance to be a strong leader, and tell those States who wish to discriminate that they are wrong. Tell all of them.

Do not push down to the States those issues that must be handled nationally. Because eventually your inability to take a national stand will be revealed to be what it actually is: your inability to stand up for what is right.

You have a chance to be on the right side of history on this one.

Do the right thing, Mr. President. After all, you pride yourself on being very smart. Make a decision that you can be proud of. Protect our children. Protect all of them.

We are waiting.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Complacent No More

We got complacent.

We were naive.

We thought that we had made a difference in all of our years of fighting and educating. We thought we were winning the battle. We knew that we were not yet post-racism, post-feminism, post-narcissism. We knew that we had a great deal of work left to do. But we thought we were making gains.

And then the election happened. In one horrible night, we watched in increasingly drunken and increasingly hysterical panic. What had happened to our country? What was happening to us? What in the hell were we going to do? How could we possibly survive? How could we raise our children in a country that was suddenly exploding with everything we abhorred?

You see, we had not won. We had only buried the hatred and racism and extremism and selfishness down into the bowels of our country. And the eventual eruption of all of that horror was caustic.





We have so much work to do.

We can no longer be complacent.

So, what can we do? What can I do?

I marched in Montreal with the Women's March. It was a start. Millions of people worldwide, on every continent, marched in solidarity. I was there. And I vow to continue to participate and make my voice heard.

The women's march now calls for 10 actions in 100 days. It is a start. I will participate.

Dailyaction.org challenges you to make one phone call a day to your representatives. It is a start. I can make one call a day. I will.

Letters2Trump posts a letter to the President every day. In this letter, the writer calls for action. The writer implores our President to think thoughtfully and critically and to do the right thing. It is a start.
Here is my letter.



We were complacent.

We cannot afford to be complacent any longer.

I will not be complacent.

Day 5 - The Point of Serving is to Serve

Dear Mr. President:

Photograph by Sherry Main

Because “I believe the children are our future,” as Whitney Houston once said, I asked my 8 year old son what he would tell you if he could write you a letter.

“Mom, we already did that, in school,” he said.

“Oh. Well, what did you say?” I asked.

“I told him to shut up.”

Once I managed to regain my mom composure, I said, “Fair enough, Sam. But, that’s not super helpful. We want to be helpful to Donald Trump, not insulting. So, think about how you could help him. If you had any advice for him what could you give him? If you wanted to tell him anything about his job what would you want to tell him?”

And my Sam thought for a long minute.

Then he said, “I would say to Donald Trump that you wanted to be president. And then you won the election. So now you’re president, just like you wanted. But now that you got what you wanted you need to think about being president. You need to think about helping out the government, and not just helping out yourself.”

And that, sir, is a brilliant summation from a second grader. You see, you may not have realized that being President is not about being popular, and it’s not about winning. The election may have been a game to you, but the job is the most important job in the country.  Being President is a service job. The entire purpose is to serve the country and her people. In order to be President, you must sacrifice your self and your pride and your time and your energy and many of the things you hold dear every damn day in order to meet the needs of all of the people you serve.

Frankly, I’m not sure how much service you have done in your life, sir. Have you served in the military? Have you served in the police force? Have you served in the firefighting industry? Have you served in our schools? Have you served in a soup kitchen? Sir, have you served? What volunteer work have you done to make the world a safer place for others? What have you given of yourself in order to give hope to others? What selfless things have you done so that others can maintain their own autonomy and integrity? And please don’t be confused, sir. I am not asking what charities you have donated to. I am not asking about money. Although giving to charity is noble work, it is not actually serving. Giving is still focused on the giver. Serving is focused on the ones being served.

Sir, you are in the unique position to be able to serve those in need. You can help them be less hungry, less afraid, less bullied, less distraught. You can help them be more successful, more aware of the needs of others, more giving, more hopeful. But the primary point here is that You must help Them. You —> Them. This is not about what they will do for you or even how they will feel about you. Those things are irrelevant. The point of serving is not to measure how it benefits you. The point of serving is to serve.

So, sir, I ask you to consider the words of an 8 year old boy, who is wiser than his years. Because he knows, in his heart, that JFK said it right, so many years ago.

You must “ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.”

And that, sir, is our advice to you.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump (and an 8 year old boy)

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Virtually a Virtual Disaster

we've got to do something different

Virtual learning in educational settings is expanding exponentially. It's cheaper; it's more accessible to students anytime, anywhere, on any platform; it's touted as the answer to the highly circulated myth of the failure of the American public schools system; and in Michigan, it's the law. But it's not working for our high school students in Michigan and it's not working nationally. Unfortunately, because of the nature of academic research, most of the articles and studies I have found related to student success in online learning are all studies of higher education. There are huge differences between high school students and college students related to maturity, perceived power and control, choice, perceived relevance, apathy, long-term vision and goal-setting, self-efficacy, and self-control. Young adults are not "younger adults." Studies related to engagement and motivation and success in virtual higher ed environments are simply not applicable to high school students. We have to do something different. We are losing our kids to virtual classes and they are losing out on a quality, meaningful education.

Rob Kelly, in "Five Factors that Affect Online Student Motivation," posits that Brett Jones' MUSIC theory's factors of "eMpowerment, Usefulness, Success, Interest, and Caring" are the factors that contribute to student success. As per the usual, Kelly's discussion is based on higher ed students, not high school students. And in this way, the MUSIC theory misses the point: high school students don't see the usefulness of what they are "forced" to learn, and it doesn't matter how often they are reminded of "the real world," they don't believe or can't see what the real world is like. Therefore, the other factors of empowerment, success, interest, and caring are absolutely critical for high school students to experience, if they are to be successful in their classes.

Unfortunately, much of the virtual class offerings for our high school students offer none of the remaining MSIC aspects. So much of what the students experience is predetermined, checklist learning. Student interests and student choice are not factors in their courses; in fact, their voices are seldom heard. Much of the course offerings are instructor-free. Someone, somewhere, built a course and it now functions as software, not as interactive learning with human beings. As one of my former students (enrolled in and currently failing an online sociology class) said yesterday, "Sociology is about human interactions; wouldn't it make sense for a class about human interactions to have some?" In addition, the lack of feedback and the lack of interaction creates a student success vacuum: students only know if they got something right or wrong; they don't know why, or what errors in their understanding they have, or how to move in the right direction, or what they are doing well. There is no support, no sense of community, very little connection with their interests, and no caring. Even the students with a "real, live teacher" in their virtual classes report having very little interaction with the teacher and no sense of who they are as people. The interactions they have with other students are stilted and limited; they don't feel "real."

Something has to change. It's not enough for Milman (2011) to insist that students complete a readiness self-assessment before embarking down the virtual path; it's not enough for Kim et al. (2014) to insist that an LMS module that encourages student goal-setting and reflection be a part of the virtual experience; it's not enough for Kelly (and Jones) to tout the necessity for their MUSIC theory to be a part of the learning experience for students. High school students have different needs and different motivations than adult learners. They need to have that personal interaction, and we need to figure out how to make it happen. For my former student who is failing his online sociology class this semester, the solution is for him to bring his Chromebook into my classroom at lunch every day so that I can work with him and encourage him and high five him and nag him and make eye contact with him and remind him that he is worth it. Until virtual classes can figure out how to make this happen, I'll be spending my lunches helping their students try to find and maintain success.

"Those offering online courses should provide even more supports to foster the success of all learners. This assistance should involve completion of high-quality orientation by all students, examination, development, and implementation of effective strategies to support students in online courses, careful monitoring of the reasons why students might withdraw from online courses, factors that contribute to their persistence, and also research about factors that promote the success of all students" (Milman 2011).

• Guo, J., Marsh, H. W., Morin, A. J. S., Parker, P. D., & Kaur, G. (2015). Directionality of the Associations of High School Expectancy-Value, Aspirations, and Attainment: A Longitudinal Study. American Educational Research Journal, 52(2), 371–402.

• Kelly, R. (2012, August 10). Five Factors that Affect Online Student Motivation. Faculty Focus. Retrieved from http://www.facultyfocus.com/newsletters/online­classroom/

• Kim, R., Olfman, L., Ryan, T., & Eryilmaz, E. (2014/1). Leveraging a personalized system to improve self-directed learning in online educational environments. Computers & Education, 70, 150–160.

• Milman, N. B. (2011). Is online learning for all learners? Distance Learning.

M-Stepping those Results Right into the Trashcan

I received my daughter's 4th grade M-Step results in the mail yesterday. 

I had not seen the results report before; two years ago, I opted her out. But last year, in a co-parenting compromise with my ex-husband, I allowed my daughter to take the test.

You will be happy to know that my daughter is 100% adequate. Or, to be specific, she is making "adequate progress." I was surprised at the naming of this progress indicator, since her scores are in the "Advanced" range in Math and English Language Arts, and at the very top edge of the "Proficient" range in Science. But, for a 4th grader approximately 1/3 of the way through her K-12 education, her progress is deemed as adequate. One must suppose then, that her teachers have also been adequate and her school is pretty adequate.

I question the use of this terminology; does "adequate" seem "proficient" or "advanced" to you? I realize that this word, according to google, means "satisfactory or acceptable."  But I challenge you to use this word in conversation and see how it is perceived. In fact, next time you are eating a dinner that your significant other prepared, I dare you to announce that it is "adequate." And next time you and your significant other are in the midst of...ahem...a romantic physical encounter, I challenge you to announce that he or she is "making adequate progress." I look forward to hearing about the ensuing conversations. Go ahead and get back to me with the results.


I'll wait right here.

While I'm waiting to hear about the progress you've made in your relationship, I'll talk a bit more about this M-Step report. The math section is divided into 4 claims which then report into 3 sections. And the Performance Level Indicators are reported in 4 color-coded bands, which then report out into 3 Claim Performance Indicators, illustrated by pointy-up and pointy-down triangles. Clearly, this report earns a yellow circle (Attention may be indicated) on the math claims of "2/4: Problem Solving, Modeling & Data Analysis" because of the fundamental confusion of the modeling and data analysis in this report.



The report itself is so...ahem...inadequate. For example, the color-coded Performance Bands at the top of each section read from left to right. The left indicator is Not Proficient, and the right side is Advanced. However, the Performance Level Descriptors at the bottom of the page begin with "Advanced" on the left and move to "Not Proficient" at the right. Who created this graphic? Why would a performance band read from left to right in the visual section of the graphic and then from right to left in the explanations? And then, for the sake of clarity, the Science section is broken into disciplines with points earned/possible points reported. No pointy-up or pointy-down triangles in science. Science gets Numbers! And science is apparently so unscientific, that the margin of error spans 3 performance levels. Luckily, my daughter may possibly be partially proficient, proficient, or advanced, but she is not to be deemed adequate in science.

I dare you to ask a 4th grader what is wrong with this report. Have them analyze the modeling and the data analysis. Have them explain to you what this report means. I look forward to hearing about those conversations.

I'll wait right here.

As an avid reader and an English teacher, I was highly relieved to learn that my daughter is also making adequate progress in English Language Arts. But, before you congratulate me on her very adequate score, I would like to question what this score is actually an indicator of. Any English teacher knows that this score is not a reflection of progress and preparation. This score is a measure of how many books are in a student's home. This score is a reflection of what the child ate for breakfast, and what the educational level is of the child's parents, and how many jobs those parents have to work to put food on the table. My daughter lives in a home that has 4 full walls of books. She has access to fresh produce daily and she gets 3 full meals a day. Between her parents and her grandparents, we together hold 10 post-secondary degrees. Her ELA score is an indication of exactly that.

I challenge you to go into the homes of the students who are pointy-down triangles (most at risk of falling behind). I challenge you to count the number of apples in their refrigerators. I challenge you to count the books in their homes, and the number of advanced degrees their parents hold. And then I challenge you to go into their communities and count the libraries. Count the grocery stores. Count the parks. Count the museums. I look forward to hearing those numbers. I would like them reported out in real numbers, not in pointy-up and pointy-down triangles, please.

I'll wait right here.

The State of Michigan, to its credit, is very concerned about the M-Step scores. Students are scoring very poorly on this test that has been redesigned two times in the two years it has been administered. And so, the State, based on M-Step scores, is threatening to take aggressive action and "rid the state of failing schools." Instead of spending time and resources making sure that schools have the resources they need, the State will close those failing schools. They might also create a new test, administered 3 times a year, to replace the current test that replaced the old test that replaced the test before that one. Because clearly, the answer to poor test scores is more testing.

I would instead challenge the State to do something truly revolutionary. I would challenge them to go into those failing schools and make sure that there are enough teachers there to teach the students. I would challenge them to make sure that the schools had enough funding to buy chairs. I would challenge them to make sure that students have access to community supports and a standard of living that allows for walls full of books and access to museums and to higher education and to apples.

I challenge the State to actually do something about it, instead of forcing students to sit on milk crates to take more meaningless tests that result in poorly designed nonsensical reports. I challenge the State to make adequate progress.

I'll wait right here.

This is Not the Appropriate Time

This is not the appropriate time to write. The appropriate time to write would be after deliberate reflection, studious investigation, and thoughtful processing. This is not that time.

I cannot deliberately reflect. I cannot find the peace of mind or the space or the energy to come up with pithy summative statements encompassing all I know and believe.

I cannot studiously investigate because the facts are not in, and even if they were, our current media design does not allow for pure truth. Half-truths by omission are the journalism standard. No longer can satire be recognized as a separate entity; our talking heads only know sarcasm. Our debaters only speak in “gotchas.” We The People only know how to point at others. We do not seem to know how or want to know how to look at our own reflections in the mirror. We cannot bear to stare hard enough into our own eyes.

I cannot thoughtfully process because there is no time. There is no silence. There is no breath. Moments before the idea of one more murder sinks in, another senseless killing occurs. I cannot catch my breath.

There are not enough words in the English language to describe this cesspool of emotion.

Rage.

Disappointment.

Despair.

Ennui.

Disgust.

Fatigue.

Condescension.

Sadness.

Confusion.

This is not how people should be. This is not how we are.

And yet, it is so clearly how we seem to be. We insist that All Lives Matter. But the evidence proves otherwise.

If all lives mattered, we wouldn’t arm ourselves so eagerly in order to destroy our perceived threats. If all lives mattered, we wouldn’t shoot first and ask questions later. If all lives mattered, we would make the personal sacrifices we needed to make in order to keep us all safe. If all lives mattered, we wouldn’t be tempted to say “all lives matter.”

All lives don’t fucking matter. It is clear.

Only my life.

Only my life matters. That is what we really mean. That is what we really believe. We pretend that we are arming ourselves in order to protect our families, even though the statistics alarmingly show that more people die in houses with guns. We are not protecting our children. We are putting them in arm’s length of their own suicide. We are putting them at the mercy of the whims of their hormones. We are putting ourselves at a terrible risk.

But, we have hubris. We believe that we are rational at all times. And we believe that, in any event (robbery, arrest, psychosis, depression, loud noises in the bathroom) we will be the rational one, with a calm head and a steady hand, and we will save our own lives. Because only that: only our own singular insular lives are what truly matters.

I dare you to prove otherwise. I dare you to put down your gun and stop insisting that you have all the answers. I dare you to turn off the pundits and put down your phone and sweat in the silence and stare into your own eyes. I dare you to hold your child’s hand and tell them the truth, the honest truth -- all of the terrible truths -- about our nation. I dare you to face the horrors that we have inflicted upon so many and the horrors that we continue to perpetuate. Do not wait for the appropriate time. There will never be an appropriate time. This is not the appropriate time.

Do it anyway.

A Letter to my Daughter

This is a letter to you, my daughter.


How do I even begin? My letter to you will last your entire lifetime. You will be writing your story as you live your life and I will be writing what I said, what I wished I’d said, what I did, what I wished I'd done. This is a lifelong letter. It will never be finished.

But, today, you are turning 10. You are double digits. You have a lifetime ahead, but you are already ten years wise. You have given me so much. And you have so much to give to the world. And I have so much to give to you. 

I want to give you the world.

So, this is my attempt--to give you the world--in a letter.

I could write to you about your body and your health. But so many others have already written that letter to their own daughters. Those letters are beautiful and poignant and honest and true. They talk about honoring health and rejecting societal standards. They talk about learning to love and respect the skin we are in. I have read them all, and I will share them with you. But those letters are not my letter.

My letter to you is about me as much as it is about you. It is about the lessons I have learned as I repeatedly banged my head against the wall of the world and tried to figure out how to be. I know that you will have to learn your own lessons in your own ways, but I also hope that you will listen. And I hope that you will bang your head a little less often than I did. But I know you. You are stubborn and curious and intelligent and emotional. You are passionate, as your pre-school teacher so succinctly summarized when you were an emotional rollercoaster at 3. You will live with passion and you will find your own way. But as you do, I hope that you will listen.

Listen. Listen to your own breath. Listen to the silence. Listen to the spaces in between. The spaces in between the sirens are full of beauty. There are frogs and crickets in those spaces. There is the sound of the wind in the trees. The spaces in between the words are pregnant with intention, emotion, and the things left unsaid. Listen to the words that people are not saying, and listen to the thoughts that they share. Listen with your eyes and your heart and your soul. Listen to what they want to say to you. Listen to how you want to respond. Sometimes people just need to be heard. Sometimes they just need you to hold some space for them. Sometimes they don’t need advice or solutions or instructions or feedback. And sometimes they don’t say what they mean and sometimes they don’t mean what they say. But if you can stop, and just breathe, and just listen...There is so much honor in listening. There is so much integrity and self control. But there is also a peace there. There is a beauty that radiates from those who listen. You are so quick to respond, so clever, and so passionate. It has been my lifelong struggle to listen. And it will be a lifelong struggle for you, too. But it is a fight worth fighting. I will always try to listen to you. And my hope, for you, is that you listen with all of the passion in your soul. Listen to your own words, and make sure that you are proud of how they reflect you. Listen to your reflection as you speak.

Because you will speak. You must speak. You must speak out whenever someone makes you feel uncomfortable. You must speak out when someone is being disingenuous. You must speak and defend those who can’t find the words or the strength to defend themselves. You have the strength, and you have the passion. You have a way with words that is profound and thoughtful. What you have to say must be heard. You can change the world with your words and with your actions. Maybe the world you change is small, for that one person in the room that you just defended. Maybe the world you change is bigger, as you eloquently push back against hatred and ignorance and discrimination. Maybe the world you change is huge, as you lead by example, and help others to speak out. Maybe the world you change is only in this tiny moment, as you offer a kind word or a compliment to a stranger. But there is a power in your words. You have the ability to wound, and you have the ability to heal. You have the ability to inspire. Use your words well. Never stay silent.

I cannot promise you a life without conflict. I cannot promise you a life without pain. I cannot promise you a life that is always inspired.  But I can challenge you to live each day with passion and integrity. I can warn you against the soul-crushing monsters of apathy and ambivalence. I can beg you to be kind. I can try to inspire you to find the beauty in every day. And I can try to listen to you with my soul, and to speak to you with honesty and honor.

I hope that I can lead by example and teach you to do the same. I am so lucky to be a part of your journey as you become the young woman you strive to be. 

You have passion. Use it well. Listen to your soul and speak the words in your soul.

You have an incredible soul. Honor it, and be true.

Happy birthday, Helena Skye.

I love you.