Day 417 – Letter to Americans Who Believe that Video Games Cause Mass Shootings

Dear Americans who think video games cause mass shootings,

They don’t.   

Video games don’t cause mass shootings.

I know that our country doesn’t always like to believe in science, but it’s time we stop debating this ridiculous myth and start dealing with the actual causal issues instead.

Because video games don’t cause mass shootings.

Video games do cause a lot of things. They often cause us to be more isolated; they may make us more aggressive in the short-term. They definitely cause us to waste a lot of time. They sometimes cause us to eat too much and live in our moms’ basements. They may have indirectly caused my divorce. But they do not cause teenage white males to go out and shoot up their local schools.

Let’s conduct a thought experiment.

Let’s set up a hypothetical scenario with two countries, identical in all aspects, save 2 distinct differences.

Country A gives their children unlimited access to all the video games they want, whenever they want, for as long as they want. Country A has very limited access to guns with very strict regulations.

Country B loves their guns. They fetishize their guns, they ban federal funding of research on gun violence, and they have very lax gun regulations and many loopholes. Thankfully, Country B has very limited access to violent video games.

Let’s say that this hypothetical scenario runs for 5 years.

At the end of 5 years, how many young white men in Country A wandered into their local schools and shot as many of their peers as possible? How many school shootings happened in a country with very strict gun regulations but unlimited access to all of those terrible, violent video games?

How about in Country B? How many mass shootings occurred with unfettered access to all those guns, but thankfully no violent video games to stir up any aggression?

In simple terms: If Johnny can’t play video games but can play with real guns and real bullets, how many real people could he possibly shoot?

It’s time to stop debating this ridiculous myth.

Video games don’t cause mass shootings.

Unregulated and fetishized access to guns does.

Sincerely,

Sharon Murchie

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Day 388 - Letter to Those Who Have Recently Learned that Someone They Respect Has Been Accused of Terrible Things

Dear newly aware,

At some point in our lives, we will all have to deal with the unfortunate and uncomfortable situation of learning that someone we love and admire or respect has been accused of doing terrible things. For many of us, this moment occurred when someone we admired fell from grace, whether it was Bill Cosby or Louis CK or Al Franken. For others, we’ve had to deal with learning that a parent or loved one has done terrible things. For all of us, it would be timely to learn what to do and what not to do.

As has been his M.O. throughout the last year (and throughout his entire life), President Trump has shown us exactly what NOT to do or say. When discussing disgraced top aide Rob Porter, who is credibly accused of having physically and emotionally abused his two ex-wives and a former girlfriend, President Trump made the following statement:

Image from Vox

“We wish him well; he worked very hard. We found out about it recently, and I was surprised by it, but we certainly wish him well, and it's a tough time for him. He did a very good job when he was in the White House, and we hope he has a wonderful career, and he will have a great career ahead of him. But it was very sad when we heard about it, and certainly he's also very sad now. He also, as you probably know, says he's innocent, and I think you have to remember that. He said very strongly yesterday that he's innocent, so you have to talk to him about that, but we absolutely wish him well. He did a very good job when he was at the White House.”

The President then tweeted:

Peoples lives are being shattered and destroyed by a mere allegation. Some are true and some are false. Some are old and some are new. There is no recovery for someone falsely accused – life and career are gone. Is there no such thing any longer as Due Process? — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 10, 2018

So, as a Public Service Announcement of what NOT to say, we offer the following tutorial...

Instead of saying this: “We wish him well; he worked very hard. We found out about it recently, and I was surprised by it, but we certainly wish him well, and it’s a tough time for him.”

SAY THIS: “For everybody asking, I know and like [him]. I won’t defend him. This is inexcusable and he needs to address it.”

Instead of saying this: “He did a very good job when he was in the White House, and we hope he has a wonderful career, and he will have a great career ahead of him. But it was very sad when we heard about it, and certainly he’s also very sad now.”

SAY THIS: “He wielded his power with women in messed-up ways; I could couch this with heartwarming stories of our friendship and what a great [person] he is, but that’s totally irrelevant, isn’t it? Yes, it is.”

Instead of saying this: “But it was very sad when we heard about it, and certainly he’s also very sad now.”

SAY THIS:  “The only people that matter right now are the victims. They are victims, and they’re victims because of something he did.”

Instead of saying this: “He also, as you probably know, says he’s innocent, and I think you have to remember that. He said very strongly yesterday that he’s innocent, so you have to talk to him about that.”

SAY THIS: “I believe the allegations…are true, and I stand behind the women that made them.”

Instead of saying this: “We absolutely wish him well. He did a very good job when he was at the White House.”

SAY THIS: “It’s vital that people are held accountable for their actions, no matter who they are. We need to be better. We will better. I can’t [expletive] wait to be better.”

And finally, instead of saying this: “People’s lives are being shattered and destroyed by a mere allegation. Some are true and some are false. Some are old and some are new. There is no recovery for someone falsely accused – life and career are gone. Is there no such thing any longer as Due Process?”

SAY THIS: “Misogyny is a cancer. Harassment and abuse are that cancer metastasizing and going untreated. Stories like this being reported and printed are the first steps toward a cure.”

TL;DR: If your loved ones or those you respect and admire have been accused of misconduct, do not, under any circumstance, say anything that would ever come out of the president’s mouth. He is the prime example of what never to do or say.

In summary: We have to be better. We need to be better. WE MUST BE BETTER. We can’t [expletive] wait any longer to be better.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

P.S. Special thanks to Sarah Silverman, Michael Ian Black, Adam Horovitz, and Michael Schur for their words and example.

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

We Need our Heroes to be Leaders

The rollercoaster of doublethink that MSU students, fans, and alumni are on is extreme, a millenium force of anger and rage and disgust and relief...and we have lost our equilibrium. We are filled with disgust as the details of Larry Nassar’s perversions and assaults fill our newsfeed and airwaves. We celebrate and excuse the loss of control of one of our own fathers, as we sit in full agreement with his actions, although we acknowledge that he was in contempt of court. We withhold judgment, knowing that he represents the horror we can’t even imagine, forgiving him the momentary indiscretion, and raising $32,000.00 in gofundme donations to pay for his non-existent legal fees. These girls are our girls, and we are right there with you, dad. When the judge said, “There is no way that this court is going to issue any type of punishment given the circumstances of this case," we raised our fists in solidarity.

We demanded and celebrated the resignations of Lou Anna Simon and Mark Hollis, and we now recoil in horror at the new appointees and their lack of any experience or ability to help MSU not just rise from the ashes but actually do better and be better. We demand that the trustees, especially tone-deaf Joel Ferguson, step down. We shake our heads as leader after leader just doesn’t get it. We put our MSU gear on the hanger in the back of the closet, hoping that someday we can bring it out again and wear it with pride. We miss our MSU nation; we grieve the glorious illusion that it was truly great.

Our University has let us down. Our leadership did not lead. Our coaches looked the other way. Our doctors supported their own, instead of listening to the young women, who told the truth over and over and over again. Larry Nassar could have been stopped 20 years ago, but the people we trusted to keep our athletes safe instead put our young people in danger. Our adults gave Larry Nassar the benefit of the doubt over and over again. He got his due process so many times, that it was no longer a fact-finding process; it was simply a stamp of approval and support so that he could continue his perversion and continue to assault and abuse those who he vowed to help.

But when our revered coaches are put in the spotlight? We recoil. We demand due process. We doubt the allegations. We point out that the accused deny any wrongdoing. We point out the amazing feats that our coaches have accomplished, the pride and acclaim they have brought, the good, the absolute good that they have done for so many of our young people for so many years. After all, our coaches didn’t abuse anyone. They are not Larry Nassar. The names Tom Izzo and Mark Dantonio should never be uttered in the same breath as that monster Larry Nassar.

We don’t even see the cognitive dissonance. We can’t stomach the idea that these men deserve the same scrutiny as those who allowed Larry Nassar to exist and persist.

Tom Izzo and Mark Dantonio have earned their positions because they are heroes. They take boys from across the country, and they train them to be highly skilled, intuitive, authentic, conscientious sports stars. They are both parent and idol, disciplinarian and cheerleader, the benevolent warriors that are iconic of our MSU nation.

But if we demand that our leaders lead or step down, we must also demand that our heroes do the same. I have no doubt that Tom Izzo and Mark Dantonio are quality men, perhaps even great men. But quality leaders stand up for what is right. They speak out when there is wrongdoing, and then admit when they have done wrong. If MSU is to heal and move forward, Izzo and Dantonio are in the unique position to show us how. They cannot hide. There are thousands, even millions of eyes watching them. We want them to succeed; we want them to be the heroes we believe they are. We want them to be the heroes that we need. But we cannot excuse the fact that there may have been bad things happening on their watch. We cannot pretend that young men on basketball teams and football teams deserve more credibility and support than their alleged victims. We cannot recoil in horror at the fate that befell so many of our young female gymnasts and then shake our finger at ESPN for pointing out that MSU has a sexual assault problem and a credibility problem.

We need our heroes. But more than that, we need our heroes to be credible. We can have empathy for the frustration, distraction, self-doubt, and sadness that our heroes are currently facing. But we also must demand that they step up and face the media...and us. The media is simply doing their job. MSU leaders simply and repeatedly did not do their jobs. Tom Izzo and Mark Dantonio, what will you do? We need you to be our heroes. We need you to be transparent and honest. We need you to admit to any mistakes or missteps, and we need you to help us navigate this disaster and begin to heal. You may not have signed up for this particular part of your job, but it is the role that you now have been given.

We have to hold our heroes to the same fire that we hold those who we despise. We can only hope that this fire will forge stronger heroes, ones who will authentically and honestly help MSU become the university it should have been and might someday actually be.

Day 358 – Letter to Border Wallers: Let’s Talk About Some Other Great Ways to Spend 18 Billion Dollars!

Dear Border Wallers,

We need to talk.

Because I am a bit concerned. I mean, are you really sure you want to build a border wall? 18.5 billion dollar border wall? Frankly, between you and me, building a giant, ineffective symbol (with windows!) doesn’t seem like the best use of our money. The experts will tell you that “walls did not work in the past and today only work to divert, not prevent, migrant flows—while simultaneously having a grave human cost.” And we have given you all sorts of advice about better ways to spend our money. But, I get it. You’re not really interested in advice or expert or facts. A border wall would look superfly and menacing, and would create the illusion of “security” (or perhaps exclusivity) that you want. You want a wall, and you won’t settle for less.

Photograph from Samuel Zeller on Unsplash

Really? An 

But, listen! I have a better idea! 

Let’s build a giant Statue of Liberty facing the Mexico border, flipping the bird to those we want to dissuade! It would be just as effective, and it would look fashionably rad. Lady Liberty’s robes do have some fantastic draping. Fashionistas could learn from her lines.

But maybe you’re not really feeling the fashion angle.

Don’t worry, I’ve got some other ideas!

The entirety of NASA’s annual budget is…wait for it…18 billion dollars a year! With our 18 billion dollars, you could fund science exploration, send astronauts (Americans!) into space, and explore infinity and beyond!

But maybe you’re not really that into science.

What about ramen noodles? Everyone loves ramen noodles! Did you know that you could feed a person 3 meals a day of ramen noodles for an entire year for only $142.65? With 18 billion dollars, we could feed 129 million people 3 meals a day for a year. Or, if that seems a bit excessive, we could settle for 2 meals a day for a year. For 18 billion dollars, we could feed every single one of our friends in Russia 2 delicious meals a day and have enough money over to fund all cancer research for a year!

But maybe you’re not really that into feeding people and curing cancer.

Well, it would only take 55 million to fix Flint’s water system. Add that to the 5 billion needed to repair Puerto Rico’s power grid, and we’d have a solid 13 billion left over, give or take a few hundred million, to offset the annual cost of corrosion to all of our national bridges or to rebuild an Amtrak passageway between New Jersey and New York.

But, meh. Infrastructure is so boring.

What about football?

For 15 billion, we could buy every NFL player’s contract. We could own football! We could rename our teams and build new divisions…instead of the AFC and the NFC, we could play Democrats against Republicans! We could play East Coast versus Midwest! We could play blue against gray!

You see, we could do so much with 18 billion dollars. We could actually save some lives. Or we could watch a lot of football. But what we shouldn’t do is throw 18 billion dollars into the wind, just to build a symbolic, ineffective gesture illustrating nothing more than our inability to move beyond our racist past.

So, come on, Border Wallers. Let’s stop pretending this is about national security. Let’s stop pretending this is patriotic. Let’s stop pretending this is fiscally sound. Let’s stop pretending.

Let’s find something better to obsess over, and something better to spend our money on.

Let’s do something legit.

Wanna play football?

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Day 328 - Letter to Fellow Americans: Alabama Did It!!! Now Get Back to Work.

Dear Fellow Americans,

Image by Michael Dougherty

Roll Tide!

Alabama did it! They turned up in the special election to fill Jeff Sessions’ vacant seat, and they voted against the alleged child molester and for Democrat Doug Jones. It is okay to take a moment and celebrate; after the hard losses we’ve suffered over the last year, this feels like a chance to catch our breath and smile once again at the sun.

But don’t bask in that Alabama sunshine for too long. Alabama should have been a slam dunk, not a nail biter. No Alabamian in their right mind should have the urge to vote for a grown man who believes that dating a child is okay as long as you have her mother’s permission, a man who believes that getting rid of the constitutional amendments after the 10th Amendment would “eliminate many problems,” a  man who was removed not once but twice from his position as chief justice on the state supreme court because of ethics violations, a man who clearly has no idea how to ride a horse.

And yet, this man somehow earned 68% of the white vote, according to CNN exit polls; he earned 91% of the Republican vote. If it weren’t for the huge turnout by African Americans(who turned out with even more force than they did for the presidential election in 2012), we’d be once again pulling out our hair and rending our garments in rage and disbelief.

So don’t you dare sit back, America...

Don’t you dare consider this race won. Because this race is for so much more than a single Senate seat. This race is for equity and equality for our People of Color. This race is for recognition and respect of the basic human rights and humanity of our LGBTQ family. This race is for safety and safe passage for our Muslim neighbors. This race is for the fundamental right to the autonomy of our own bodies for all women. This race is for the maintenance of our planet. This race is not a sprint. This race is an ultra-marathon, and we’ve only run a 5K.

A rising tide lifts all boats, America. So let’s make sure that this tide continues to rise—not because of global warming—but because of the sheer groundswell of social and political activism brought on by our renewed faith in the humanity of our country. We can and should and will be the country we know that we can be.

Time and tide wait for no man, America. We cannot sit back and simply ride the tide. The time to act is now.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Day 298 - We are Taking America Back

Mr. President,

Photograph from Unsplash

The 2017 off-year election results are in, and sir, I have bad news for you. It seems that your racist, misogynistic, homophobic, nationalistic, isolationist policies aren’t actually that popular. Sure, you talked and tweeted a big game as you threatened to destroy every policy that your predecessors had put in place. Sure, the white nationalists have been ranting and chanting, as you have empowered them to unify against every attempt to move our country towards equity and equality. Sure, you still have an excellent chance of destroying opportunities for our citizens to have affordable health care, access to higher education, quality reproductive rights, and equity and equality under the law. Sure, there’s even a good chance that you will walk us into war with your ridiculous need to one-up every world leader in your childish Twitter tantrums. BUT, it turns out that the MAGA policies that are near and dear to your tiny shriveled heart are actually not representative of what the people want.  Because the people voted a week ago, and what they voted for should make you a bit queasy.

For example, the American people elected Democrat Danica Roem in Virginia. She will be “the only openly transgender state lawmaker in America,” and she beat Bob Marshall, a man obsessed with which bathrooms transgender people are allowed to use. It turns out, sir, that Virginia recognizes that a person’s willingness to serve their country is much more important than their genitalia and which bathroom they use. Perhaps you could learn a lesson from the American people and slowly back away from your attempts to ban transgender people in the military from serving our country. It turns out that no one really cares about their gender; what we care about is their willingness and desire to serve.

The American people voted, sir, and they voted against you and your racist and misogynist and isolationist policies. They elected Democrats to gubernatorial positions in New Jersey and Virginia; they voted for Democrats in mayoral races across the nation, including a black mayor in Minnesota and a black woman as mayor in Charlotte, NC. They voted for expanded Medicaid coverage in Maine; they elected Latina and Asian-American delegates in Virginia. They elected transgender candidates in various races in Virginia, Minnesota, California, and Pennsylvania. And in Montana, they elected a refugee from Liberia to be their mayor. Perhaps you could learn a lesson from the American people and slowly back away from your attempts to build walls, ban travel, and limit immigration. This country is a melting pot of all races and religions; even the Drumpfs were successful not because they single-handedly built an empire but because this country embraced and encouraged immigration and opportunity.

The American people voted, and they voted against you. But we will not stop and celebrate for too long. We will not lose momentum. We still have a lot to do, to make sure that this country moves in the right direction: far, far away from you. Your blatant racist, misogynistic, homophobic, nationalistic, isolationist beliefs have been given way too much air time, but we will double down, to ensure that you are hobbled in your attempts to destroy what this country stands for. Because this country stands for freedom and equality and equity. It stands for opportunities for all. It offers a safe haven for the poor, the tired, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Sir, your time in the spotlight is waning. You promised to drain the swamp, but it turns out that your drained swamp stinks of raw sewage.

We are taking this country back and your days are numbered. We are finding our voices and our unified voices are so much louder and more coherent than yours could ever be. Your voice is old and tired and your policies are outdated, uneducated, and unthoughtful. You, sir, are the past, and we are the future. It’s time for you to listen to the people and serve us—or step aside. Because this land is our land, and we will make sure that our land is welcoming to all and supportive of all. Our America already is great and it will be even greater—with or without you. Our America is moving forward, and we refuse to be borne back ceaselessly into the past. We refuse to be destroyed by nostalgia and an irrational fetishization of our racist, misogynistic, homophobic history. The days of the good ol’ boys are over. The days of We the People have arrived.

We are finding our voices.

We are the future.

United.

For All.

We are the majority.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)

Day 271- #MeToo, Mr. President

Mr. President,

Yesterday, a social media campaign went viral. On Twitter and on Facebook, women revealed with a simple “Me Too” that they had experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment.

This campaign shouldn’t have had to happen. After all, #EverydaySexism already made this perfectly clear in 2012. And #YesAllWomen went viral in 2014. It should be clear by now to every single person in our country that sexual harassment and sexual assault are simply part of the fiber of our social culture: things that, if you are a woman, are not about if, but about when. And yet, this morning, men I respect and whose opinions I value greatly were shocked and saddened at the sheer volume of #MeToo that had appeared in their feeds. It seems that, no matter how many times this topic goes viral, somehow it doesn’t sink in. Instead, women are forced to claim their own assaults again and again, and out themselves and vocalize their pain and humiliation, while the men continue to express disbelief.

I first witnessed this phenomenon at a book club years ago. As we women sat around a bonfire, wine in hand, our conversation moved from the book we’d read to our loss-of-virginity stories. A lone husband sat in the group, an “honorary girl” for the night. And as we shared our stories around the circle, it became painfully clear: 7 of the 8 of us women had lost our virginity in a situation that was clearly sexual assault. Only 1 woman had a lovely and loving story to tell, a John Hughes movie kind of story in soft-focus lighting. For the rest of us, our stories did not involve consent. This is the universal narrative of how the women of Generation X lost their virginity. Rape was our rite of passage. And the lone husband felt ill, realizing what had been taken from all of us…all of us strong, independent, self-supporting, Feminist, highly educated and highly successful women. All of us, sir.

And Mr. President, #MeToo doesn’t end there.

Photograph from Unsplash

Because I, too, was assaulted not once but twice on public transportation. And the look on that second man’s face as he rubbed his erect penis on me and knew I was powerless to move away in that incredibly packed subway car…that horrific look on his face will live on as the expression of pure evil in my memory for the rest of my life. #MeToo, sir, in my own dorm room, after I let a guy I met at a party crash there, later waking up to his literally being inside me…#MeToo, Mr. President. #MeToo. And yet, I did not fight him off. I did not accuse him of rape. For years, I called it a “one night stand.” I thought I deserved it, had asked for it even, since I let him crash with me. And #MeToo, sir, on the job, as I learned to quickly twist away when working on a construction crew, so that a man couldn’t undo my bra as he walked by. #MeToo.

Our stories are ubiquitous. They are everywhere.

Why am I telling you? Not only because you are a perpetrator yourself. Not only because you have wives and daughters who you want to protect from men like yourself. Not only because you have sons who you must teach to somehow be better than yourself. Not only because you want to dismiss all of the accusers as liars, women too ugly to be worth your time. Not only because you believe that men in locker rooms engage in “locker room talk.” Not only because you believe it appropriate to comment on the appearance of world leaders, their wives, and all women in general. Not only for all of these reasons, but also because you have a powerful platform. The world is clinging (unfortunately) on to your every word and tweet. Even if you are not capable of understanding how to treat—or not treat—women, you have the ability to advance our cause regardless.

Instead of spending all of your energy trying to undo everything that President Obama ever did, consider doing something revolutionary. (I don’t mean sending us headlong into war with North Korea and destabilizing the Middle East. We’ve actually already been in similar situations there, believe it or not.) Instead, I challenge you to do something that no one else has ever managed to do:

1. Listen.
2. Believe.
3. Write legislation that protects women and the non-cisgendered community. Instead of simply dismantling the 2014 Fair Pay and Safe Workplaces order and the Obama-era Title IX guidance on campus sexual assault and setting us back decades, write something that could actually help someone: write an executive order that demands that sexual assault and sexual harassment receive legislative focus, government funding, and an investment in education to finally turn the tide towards equality, equity, and safety for all women.
4. Use your rhetoric to promote respect. Find it within yourself to note the phenomenal women who surround you: not because they “are in such good shape” but because they are intelligent, educated, successful, worthy and equal human beings who are so much more than their physicality and sexuality.
5. Make it so that men finally realize that harassing a woman verbally or physically doesn’t make them strong; it only makes them weak and pathetic.
6. Make it so that women feel brave enough to speak, and so that women know they will be heard.
7. Make it no longer necessary for millions of women to out their own sexual assault and sexual harassment on social media just so we can be taken seriously.
8. Make it no longer happen. Make it so that our daughters will never have to say #MeToo.

Sincerely,

Sharon Murchie

(Originally posted at Letters2Trump.)