The Coronacation Diaries, Episode 75

The Road Trip Edition #1: Observations from the First Four States...

Michigan roads are still the worst. If 23 by Ann Arbor got any narrower, it would just be a bike lane with a really shitty shoulder and too much traffic. It's such a relief to make it to Ohio, until you realize that you are in...Ohio. Not only does Ohio last forever, but Big Butter Jesus is just a disappointment now, ever since the epic meltdown of 2010. And I have realized that no matter the season or time of day, it is ALWAYS driving rain and a full stop traffic jam on 75 in Cincinnati. Every single time I have driven to Florida in my life, Cincinnati has been a shit-show of traffic, construction, and torrential rains. Are 4 lanes going down to 3? Or maybe just 2? Why does that police car have its lights on, when no one is pulled over? Also, Ohio speed limits are the epitome of random. Is it 55? 65? 70? There's no way of knowing. It's just part of the fun of Ohio.

Kentucky was better. Better weather, better traffic, better roads, better scenery. The beauty of the rolling green hills almost made me forget the constant bickering of the kids in the back seat.

The south-er we drove, the fewer masks we saw. The guy at the drive through window at McDonald's was wearing a mask...under his chin. We were definitely in the minority, as mask-wearers, and the kids were embarrassed to use the rest-rooms at a truck stop because they didn't want to look stupid. I felt it, too. Even after wearing a mask in public for several weeks now (and caving on one occasion because I felt so awkward), I still feel conspicuous. It's even harder when you're the only one in the room and you are 13. (Of course, everything is harder then.)

Once we crossed into Tennessee, we realized that the rules of the road as we knew them no longer applied. I am a "10 over the speed limit IS the speed limit" girl, but cars were flying by me. Turn signals mean nothing, and people are not afraid to change lanes randomly in front of you and cut you off on a whim. Now, if you accidentally cut someone off, they will lay on the horn, and then race up next to you and make all sorts of gestures...and the cars after them will join in, like a shame parade. Apparently everyone in Tennessee has an opinion and no one can stay in a lane.

We're now at a hotel in Chattanooga for the night. The indoor fitness center and the outdoor chlorinated pool are closed for safety precautions during this pandemic, but the restaurants are open. It all makes perfect sense to someone, somewhere.

Tomorrow we head through all of Georgia and half of Florida. Stay safe out there friends. Wear your masks and wash your hands, and remember that turn signals are an amazing invention, the benefits of which should never be squandered in haste.