The Coronacation Diaries, Episode 7

The Mysteries of Kitty Litter and Exploding Kitchens

Today I tackled two things I'd been putting off: grocery shopping and cleaning out the fridge.

First, I braved the grocery store. I hadn't been in two weeks, choosing to do the emergency liquor and hot dog runs to Rite Aid instead. But the grocery list had grown too long and random for Rite Aid. It was time to brave Meijer. Surprisingly, I was able to find almost everything I needed, save 3 things: yeast, a thermometer, and cat litter.

I knew that the thermometer would be tricky. I also know there's one around here in the house somewhere. I had it recently, 'cause I had to use it on my cat when she was under the weather. (Don't worry, I bought a package of those plastic sheath things.) But now I can't find the cat-butt thermometer, and Michael is positive that, if any of us actually spiked a fever, we would never know, if we don't have a thermometer. I argued that it's pretty obvious when you are running a fever, and I can actually tell in both of my kids just by looking at them. But then he launched into a long story about this one time when he had a fever of 103 but no other symptoms (which I then pointed out would not actually be a sign of COVID-19), but he was adamant: we needed a thermometer, STAT. So, I dutifully put "thermometer" on the grocery list. along with everyone else in the state who is on Team Michael.

I also knew that yeast would be tough to find, having been warned about the shortage already on Facebook. But really, Michigan? Are all y'all really out there baking vast quantities of bread? I've made my own bread for years, but I am not aware of a single other person out there who doesn't buy store-bought bread. What ya gonna do with all that yeast, Michigan?

The missing item that caught me off guard, though, was kitty litter. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, because kitty litter is kinda like toilet paper...kinda. But then I started to wonder...who was using all of that kitty litter? And for what purpose?

When I got home, I figured I might as well tackle cleaning out the fridge before I put the groceries away.  I emptied all the items out of the fridge, and threw away the random packets of Arby's Sauce and of all of the stuff that was expired or we hadn't touched in years (is baking soda normally supposed to be hard? and when was the last time I was in Europe? because that was when I bought that truffle salt...) I then pulled out all of the shelves and washed down the inside of the fridge and started washing the shelves in the sink.

And that was when it happened: The large bottom shelf exploded as I was holding it. I didn't knock it on anything, and there wasn't a brutal temperature change, nothing to cause the shatterproof glass to completely...shatter. I was just standing in the middle of the kitchen with the shelf in one hand while I argued with Sam about Pop Tarts..and then the shelf exploded. And it went everywhere. There was glass on me, glass on the counter, glass on the floor, glass on the kitchen table, glass in the living room, glass on the stairs, glass in my water glass, glass in the stand mixer. Glass flew a good 15 feet in every direction. It crackled, as all of the larger chunks continued to snap, crackle, and pop long after the initial explosion, some pieces periodically jumping off the counter like popcorn kernels popping.

So, if you are out there and suddenly realized that you had purchased yeast  before you remembered that you don't actually know how to make bread, or you accidentally got confused and bought kitty litter instead of toilet paper and need to make a trade, just let me know. 'Cause I have lots of TP left from my monthly Amazon order and would be happy to make a trade. If you do come over, though, make sure you wear shoes. Because I have a feeling we will be discovering pieces of the refrigerator shelf throughout our house for quite awhile.

Tomorrow, I tackle cleaning the living room. Stay tuned for the adventure. Who knows, maybe I'll even find the thermometer.