The Coronacation Diaries, Episode 54

I Can Always Do It Tomorrow

Image from Enza Lacherdis at typerlie.com

It has become increasingly obvious to me that I will never be able to retire. If I do, I will get nothing done.

This quarantine shelter-in-place safer-at-home euphemistic lockdown has taught me a lesson that I probably already knew: it's not that I don't have the time to get the big projects done. It's that I don't have the will.

Usually, I don't get the big things done because there are so many little things on my plate; I am out of room, out of time, out of energy. Working full time, parenting full time, trying to keep a household together that is one step above cluttered hoarding, trying to somehow stay fit, trying to write, trying to pursue my professional dreams: this impossible list of tasks let me be okay with not tackling the big things. Haven't seen the top of my desk or the top of the buffet in 3 years? That's okay; I wrote a journal article and drove the kids to 76 different places and even fed them a meal. I'm doing okay. Look at all of the things I crossed off my to-do list! I'll tackle that big project tomorrow.

But now, my "home office" is in my front yard, me sitting in a plastic deck chair, as I meet with students and grade papers and create hyperdocs. And when it's too cold outside, I sit at the kitchen table. I tell myself that it's because I don't have a home offce. But I have a desk. And a desk chair. They're just piled 16" high with crap, leftover from the great remodel of 2018. Yes, I haven't sat at my desk in TWO YEARS. It would probably take me an hour to clean it. Maybe two. But in that hour or two of time, I can cross 4 little tasks off my to-do list. I can always clean the desk tomorrow.

It's day 55 of the quarantine. I first added "clean desk" to my to-do list almost a full year ago. That means that for 365 days, give or take a few, I have NOT cleaned my desk. And although I am still surprisingly busy trying to teach from home and also parent and and also keep the house one step above cluttered hoarding, I have more time on my hands now than I've had in years. And these big projects? They are still hanging out on the to-do list, watching me invent 26 different ways to ignore them today.

Thankfully, I've got tomorrow. A brand new day of possibilities. A clean piece of paper to write that to-do list on. I just know that I will clean my desk tomorrow. I'll finally cross it off the list. I'm sure I will.